Monday, October 22, 2012

Response to Brad Wilcox 10/17/12


Pick a church leader and research what he/ she has said about conflict resolution. Below share at least two of your favorite findings.
Brother Wilcox used the examples from the October general conference talks to illustrate examples of conflict resolution, and I chose Elder Holland’s talk “The First Great Commandment.” There are numerous examples of leadership and conflict resolution in his talk, but two of them especially stood out to me. Elder Holland told the story of  Christ’s disciples after He was crucified. The apostles essentially forgot their divine calling and went back to being fishermen after the Savior died. After His resurrection, Christ could have easily found them fishing and gotten irate that they hadn’t carried on the work without them. Instead, he told them to put their nets on the other side of the boat to catch fish. This is the first example of conflict resolution: He helped them with what they were trying to accomplish, gently reminded them of their duties, and called them back to discipleship. He patiently and lovingly steered His disciples back where they needed to be instead of getting upset and impatient. The second lesson is when the Savior asked Peter three times if he really loves Him. Peter says yes, but the Savior emphatically repeats the question until there is no doubt in either Peter’s mind or the Savior’s that Peter really does love Him. Always a perfect example, the Savior inadvertently taught that effective communication is essential in resolving conflicts. He made sure Peter understood what was expected of him to prevent disappointment and conflict in the future.   

What is the difference between destructive conflict and constructive conflict?
Conflict is something everyone has to deal with at some point, and the way a person responds to conflict has much to do with what makes it constructive verses destructive. Conflict can be used to strengthen relationships and form stronger bonds than existed before the conflict, or it can be used to create enemies and foster hostile feelings. Like we discussed in lab today, knowing how to approach conflict in a positive way can make all the difference. Constructive conflict is the act of addressing issues that may be bothering a team member instead of letting them silently fester. Talking things out or coming up with a solution are important parts of constructive conflict. Destructive conflict is when a problem or discussion evolves into an argument or personal attack. A big differentiating characteristic we discussed today is that conflicts should not be a personal attack against someone, but should be about the problem itself. It’s easy to make assumptions and turn the issue into a problem you might have with someone personally, rather than the actual cut-and-dried conflict alone.

Do you currently embrace good conflict or evade it? Analyze your current way of managing conflict and find two areas of improvement.
From our conflict resolution worksheet today, the area I scored the highest in was the collaboration section. That is the ideal goal of leadership conflict resolution, but I felt like I could be a lot stronger in that area. My reaction to conflict seems to vary depending on the situation, so I'm in between embracing and evading it. My second highest score was a tie between accommodating and competing, and both of these methods of conflict can definitely hinder effective compromise and conflict management. These areas clearly showed me that I need to work on improving these two characteristics. Competing and accommodating are very different traits and are brought out differently depending on the situation. When there is something I feel strongly about, it is easy to have a competitive nature, but other times I am more willing to accommodate. Being accommodating might not always be a good thing because sometimes I don’t speak up about things that are important to me while trying to accommodate others. Finding a balance and strengthening my dominant collaborative tendencies will help me resolve conflicts more effectively. 

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