Response to Tom Holmoe 11/28/12

1.     Think of three relationships that you wish were at the significant stage, but currently are not there. For each relationship you want to improve write one goal about how you will improve that relationship. Make sure the goals are specific. Each goal should include what relationship you want to improve and a specific action you want to take to improve that relationship.

            1.     I want to improve the relationship I have with a close extended family member. Right now I would say    that we are at stage three of the relationship stage model. I will call this family member at least every two weeks, even if it is briefly, so we can connect and update each other on our lives.

2.     The second relationship I want to improve is with a girl in my ward. We have tried to get to a stage three, but our schedules never seem to be compatible. I will try to include myself in more social situations and invite her to arts events that I attend.

3.     The third relationship I want to improve is with one of my roommates. I will specifically try to include her in my plans and let her know what is going on in my life. I strongly feel that I need to serve her more so I can have a greater love for her.

2. What can you do to remind yourself to achieve the goals you made in question 1?

I can write in my planner when to call my extended family member and pray for that person’s well-being. When that member is a part of my nightly prayers, I will think more often about that person during the day and want to share what is happening in my life. When it comes to the friend in my ward, I can invite her over for dinner. I can also include her in necessary things that I do during my day so it is easier to make time to be with her. I can also try scheduling with her earlier in advance so there is less chance of our schedules conflicting. Living with my roommate is a daily reminder of the closeness I want to strive for in our relationship. I can identify a few small ways each week that I can serve her.

3. Tom Holmoe shared many different ideas about developing relationships. Share one of your favorite ideas from his lecture. Why did you like this?

I absolutely loved his lecture and it has honestly changed my entire perspective on people and the relationships I have. I have had a paradigm shift and told all my roommates and my mom about the five stages of relationships since the lecture yesterday. I actually typed up a journal entry about class because I was so excited about the lecture. Here is my journal entry:

November 28, 2012

I just heard from the athletic director in one of my classes. He was the guest speaker and gave this wonderful presentation on motivation and teamwork. I loved it. He went over five levels of friendship, the first being no level of commitment from either party and level five being so close of friends that you need each other to be. He challenged us to be a level five friend to the people around us. He said that he isn’t worried about them with us, it’s us with them we should be concerned about. We may think our friendship is a level five because we need them to be, but they may only consider our friendship a level three. I want to be a level five friend! He said that life is more satisfying and happy for the people who have level five relationships with people. This all makes so much sense! This is why missionaries are so loved because they help converts change their lives and they literally need the missionaries to be. They need them to encourage them and help them change their lives. Mothers are incredible because their children need them, most of all, to be. This explains why I love people a lot more than they love me because I am such a needy person and I need other people to be. They don’t need me to be, but they love me because they serve me. It’s a different kind and level of love. I have a goal to strive to be the kind of person that other people need to actually be. I don’t want to be that person to gain lots of friends and great relationships, but because I genuinely want to get to know the stories of people and love and serve them because I want to help improve their lives. I know that even though I may not need people now even though I did need them in the past, I will always have endearing love for them. It’s okay if all people don’t need me all the time because that would be too difficult of a burden, but they will always love me because I hopefully helped them come closer to the Savior. They will always remember if there was true love because I remember and love the people that helped me to be during different times of my life. I remember Mrs. Dahl who helped me to be and to love school (she was my kindergarten teacher). I love my missionaries because they helped me to be and to become truly converted to the gospel.

     Great teachers can recognize potential and encourage people to become great and have the confidence to change the world for good.

     I can be my own “teacher” and enthusiast and “firelighter” even when the people around me are discouraging my goals BECAUSE my goals should ignite a passionate fire within myself. It shouldn’t matter the opinions of others. If I have consulted with God and I feel right with the goals I have chosen, it won’t matter how many pessimists and “firefighters” get in the way – I will have God on my side and be able to become great and do great things and make the world a greater place.

     “God has gifted you with leadership – don’t waste it. Give it your very best.”

      Followers are willing to sit back for the ride and let other people do all the work. Leaders STEP UP and VOLUNTEER for things because the more you do, the greater difference you can make! YOU go and make it happen. Set aside the attitudes of those around you and determine within yourself to make it happen. Find someone at church, in class, in the hallway, in your dorm who needs YOU. I need to evaluate my relationships and ask myself these questions: Are they at the stage I want them to be? If not, am I willing to put the in the necessary time and effort to improve those relationships?  If the answer is no, then I can be content with where the relationship is and leave it at that.

Response to Public Speaking 11/14/12

Please share three areas from the lecture that stood out to you as areas you need to improve on in your personal public speaking:

1.     We talked about three areas of public speaking that included the speaker’s presence, presentation, and art of persuasion. I realized that I have multiple things to improve on in each category. As much as people are taught not to judge, they do judge presenters and therefore presence is important to the credibility of a public speaker. I didn’t realize public speakers shouldn’t wear perfume or similar scents. Also, we learned that dressing in dark colors tends to be more credible, which was an interesting note because I tend to dress in lighter and brighter colors. Demeanor was also another part of presence that we discussed. It is important to have confidence because the audience can see the confidence you may or may not have. My nervousness tends to come across while I’m speaking, so this was a good reminder to act confident even if I don’t necessarily feel completely sure of myself.

2.     The structure of presentation aspect is harder for me than the presence aspect. Key components of presentation include asking several questions about the speech being given. These questions are asking why the audience cares and what problems will be solved by giving the speech. The start and finish of the speech are the most important aspects, since that is what grabs the audience in the beginning and what the audience is left with at the end. Always remember that the audience is more important than you as the speaker. Word choice also builds or destroys credibility. The speaker offered the example of the terms the airlines use to make their audience more comfortable and not shock them with surprising word choice. Shocking word choice should be used sparingly because it can quickly discredit a speaker.

3.     He also talked about resonating with people, and even though this was in the presentation category, I have a lot to improve on in this area. He gave us four examples of things to include in our speeches or presentations that will resonate with people. Those things were testimonials, specific examples, statistics, and stories. To illustrate these concepts, he gave a mock mini-speech about goal setting and used each of the four tactics. As a class, we voted on the most effective use, and a much greater number of people voted on the story than the other elements. He pointed out that although most people identify with stories the most, there will always be people that are persuaded more by the examples, testimonials, or statistics. It’s important to include as many of these aspects as possible to reach the greatest number of audience members. 

Response to Dean Kau 11/7/12

What are some communities that you can be a leader in? 

Dean Kau discussed the definition of “community” with us and it is any organization or a group of people that geographically live near each other. He used a quote that said, “BYU needs Provo as much as Provo needs BYU.” Although we as students sometimes consider BYU our own community, we do reside in the larger community of Provo. I can be a leader in the community of Provo by representing BYU wherever I go. There are so many different “mini-communities” that exist within BYU itself. My apartment, my dorm building, my Relief Society, my FHE group, my ward, and my freshman class are just a few examples of the various “communities” in which I can be a leader. The opportunities are nearly inexhaustible.

How can you become involved in a way that is reasonable considering your time?

Due to our required leadership project within the class, I have been involved in BYUSA in the Activities sub-category. Since our project’s completion, I have been thinking about what I can do to become involved at BYU.  I thought back to the beginning of the year before school started, and one of my goals was to take part in BYUSA and YServe at one point or another during the year. I can become involved by volunteering at YServe and filling the time that I would have spent on my BYUSA project with that endeavor. I know the options are nearly endless at YServe and I can find a service opportunity that I feel like I can contribute to the most while staying within my time restrictions. I think it will be a good life experience and add balance to my life to become involved with both student leadership and community-related service specifically through YServe. The Lord uses His children to bless others in different ways through both of those institutions.

You don’t need a title to lead. Great leaders are already doing so. Where else can you be a leader? 

I believe that the greatest leaders have the most long-lasting influence over people when they act as personal role models. My personal role models have had the biggest impact on my life and influenced me to change in a way more prominent leaders never could. We discussed different leaders with Dean Kau and he talked about regular people who took the initiative to be leaders in their own communities. The example I remember most was the Steven kid who had the courage to run for the school board while juggling being a college student. I firmly believe in the adage “life where you stand” and that also applies to leadership. Leadership is needed in every situation and every relationship. I believe that we are responsible to follow the Savior’s example and be a leader to the downhearted and those in need of service as well as the more visible leadership positions. 

Personal Code of Ethics 10/7/12

My Personal Code of Ethics

1.      Be kind. (It is so important to remember this when my first instinct in certain situations is to be selfish, curt, impatient, whiney, etc.)

2.      Be happy. (No one likes to be around people who are continually depressed, crying, having a bad day, or complaining.)

3.      Be enthusiastic. (Never lose my excitement, joy, and passion for the things I love or my missionary "zoo face.")

4.      Do my best. (Whether it is typing a paper, cleaning the bathroom, or talking to a person, I can only reach my potential when I am exerting all my effort and doing my very best. This is what brings true peace and satisfaction at the end of the day.)

5.      Put the Lord first. (Blessings always come when I sacrifice to put the Lord first, whether that is aligning my will with His, choosing things to fill my time that are gospel related rather than social related, or standing up for what is right in difficult situations.)

6.      Smile as much as possible. (Sister Dalton challenged the Young Women to smile every day. Smile even at strangers. A genuine smile is true beauty.)

7.      Look for unexpected/small opportunities to serve. (Small, meaningful acts of service foster love and bring others to Christ. An inspired act of service can be the answer to a person's prayer. Serving others is the principle way to have charity, the pure love of Christ.)

8.      Be healthy. (This includes getting enough rest, having personal time to rejuvenate, scheduling my time to reduce stress, eating healthy food, and exercising.)

9.   Love more than judge. (When I am tempted to judge a person’s appearance, motivations, or actions, replace that judgmental thought with thoughts of God’s love for each person, their individual worth, and the fact that I don’t know what has happened in their day or in their life to make them the way they are.)

Response to Jessica Godfrey 10/24/12

Describe your motivation in each of these areas: school, personal goals, social, and family.
1. Quite honesty, my motivation for staying on top of my schoolwork at BYU has been complete and utter terror. The all-consuming fear of a late assignment, bad grade, or not being able to handle college assignments has motivated me to push myself extensively. In the long run, my educational motivations go much deeper than that. I am motivated to gain an education because I want to contribute to the world and serve in the most effective ways possible. To excel in the world an education is necessary, and the prophet has counseled us to seek higher education.
2. In general, goals are powerful motivators for me in and of themselves. When Jessica was talking about rewards, I realized that the biggest rewards I can give myself are the accomplishment of goals and having balance in my life. I am motivated to set and achieve personal goals because I know that is how I can grow closer to the Savior and become who He wants me to be. No one else knows what things I personally need to work on and improve; only I know that through the promptings of the Holy Ghost.
3. When it comes to priorities, social is pretty far down my list. I tend to put academic interests above social goals. However, I am socially motivated because I know “people skills” are learned best by actually interacting with people. Also, I believe the Lord puts people in our lives we are meant to touch and influence, and being a part of social activities is a way to meet and bless the lives of others.
4. I have been ten times more grateful for my family since having started college. Family relationships are so important! Heavenly Father has given everyone a family and they are the social structure we should be spending our most concentrated efforts in. I am motivated to keep strong family relationships because of the promise we have to live with our families forever. I have been so blessed with the family I have, and I want to continue to love and serve them.

How can you motivate others as a leader in the following areas: school, work, family, or social? 

It is much more difficult to motive others than to motivate just myself. Before I can motivate other people, I have to be motivated myself. I think the different aspects of motivating others apply to all four of the above-mentioned areas. Jessica mentioned some great things in class yesterday that apply to this question. Some key points that stood out to me were having the right perspective, delegating meaningfully, and loving people. As easy as it would be to do some projects myself, it is important to keep an eternal perspective and realize that while getting the job done is important, it is not as important as the individual growth of people. As I keep this in mind, it will be easier to motivate people to become better rather than just accomplish a task. Delegating meaningfully is a fantastic concept that I loved. Jessica emphasized how important it is that we as leaders delegate responsibilities that are meaningful and show appreciation for the people we lead. Loving others was the final point that stood out to me the most. People are willing to do anything if they care about you, so having and showing genuine love is the most effective motivator.

Explain the motivation style of your assigned leader for Monday's lab.

My assigned leader was Jiang Qing, who I had never heard of before this assignment. She was an actress, joined the Communist Party, and eventually became Mao Zedong’s third wife. She became involved with music and theater arts and worked to integrate proletarian ideas (which consist of the middle-class overthrowing the wealthy) in her theater and ballet performances. Eventually, she joined the Gang of Four, which was a group of four radical leaders that held prominent positions in the Communist Party of China. The power of the Gang of Four declined after Zedong’s death, and the four leaders were found guilty of plotting against the state. Qing’s motivation style was certainly strong, but her motivations were not exactly open and honest. She motivated people through under-handed ways and she didn’t have the best intentions at heart. Instead of motivating people through genuine love, she did so in a coercive manner. Her motivating power came more from force and authority than it did from inspiring others to be better.  

Response to Brad Wilcox 10/17/12

Pick a church leader and research what he/ she has said about conflict resolution. Below share at least two of your favorite findings.

Brother Wilcox used the examples from the October general conference talks to illustrate examples of conflict resolution, and I chose Elder Holland’s talk “The First Great Commandment.” There are numerous examples of leadership and conflict resolution in his talk, but two of them especially stood out to me. Elder Holland told the story of  Christ’s disciples after He was crucified. The apostles essentially forgot their divine calling and went back to being fishermen after the Savior died. After His resurrection, Christ could have easily found them fishing and gotten irate that they hadn’t carried on the work without them. Instead, he told them to put their nets on the other side of the boat to catch fish. This is the first example of conflict resolution: He helped them with what they were trying to accomplish, gently reminded them of their duties, and called them back to discipleship. He patiently and lovingly steered His disciples back where they needed to be instead of getting upset and impatient. The second lesson is when the Savior asked Peter three times if he really loves Him. Peter says yes, but the Savior emphatically repeats the question until there is no doubt in either Peter’s mind or the Savior’s that Peter really does love Him. Always a perfect example, the Savior inadvertently taught that effective communication is essential in resolving conflicts. He made sure Peter understood what was expected of him to prevent disappointment and conflict in the future.   

What is the difference between destructive conflict and constructive conflict?

Conflict is something everyone has to deal with at some point, and the way a person responds to conflict has much to do with what makes it constructive verses destructive. Conflict can be used to strengthen relationships and form stronger bonds than existed before the conflict, or it can be used to create enemies and foster hostile feelings. Like we discussed in lab today, knowing how to approach conflict in a positive way can make all the difference. Constructive conflict is the act of addressing issues that may be bothering a team member instead of letting them silently fester. Talking things out or coming up with a solution are important parts of constructive conflict. Destructive conflict is when a problem or discussion evolves into an argument or personal attack. A big differentiating characteristic we discussed today is that conflicts should not be a personal attack against someone, but should be about the problem itself. It’s easy to make assumptions and turn the issue into a problem you might have with someone personally, rather than the actual cut-and-dried conflict alone.

Do you currently embrace good conflict or evade it? Analyze your current way of managing conflict and find two areas of improvement.

From our conflict resolution worksheet today, the area I scored the highest in was the collaboration section. That is the ideal goal of leadership conflict resolution, but I felt like I could be a lot stronger in that area. My reaction to conflict seems to vary depending on the situation, so I'm in between embracing and evading it. My second highest score was a tie between accommodating and competing, and both of these methods of conflict can definitely hinder effective compromise and conflict management. These areas clearly showed me that I need to work on improving these two characteristics. Competing and accommodating are very different traits and are brought out differently depending on the situation. When there is something I feel strongly about, it is easy to have a competitive nature, but other times I am more willing to accommodate. Being accommodating might not always be a good thing because sometimes I don’t speak up about things that are important to me while trying to accommodate others. Finding a balance and strengthening my dominant collaborative tendencies will help me resolve conflicts more effectively. 

Response to Communications/PR 10/10/12

Why is communicating powerfully and prolifically a crucial part of leadership?

Effective communication is an integral part of the world we live in, and is a crucial part of successful leadership. Being able to share thoughts and convey ideas is key to getting along with others and fostering positive relationships. Leaders may have earth-shattering ideas or a great love for team members, but without effective communication, they won’t be able to convey or implement these ideas. I would even venture to say that great leadership is great communication, because people are inspired, motivated, and committed through words and communication. Great leaders are able to communicate in such a way that their team members know they are valued, needed, and important while simultaneously communicating the need to achieve goals and stretch abilities. The communications department at BYU is an excellent example of the important need for communication. The major consists of four emphases that all relate to communicating and sharing ideas with people. The end result of positive communication is to motivate people to change, make a decision, be informed, or make a difference and these are essential goals of leadership as well.

Throughout your life you will serve in various leadership roles everywhere from family roles to work roles to church roles. Every day you communicate what you believe to those around you through your words and your actions. Todd and Joe expressed how important it is that your messages are rooted in what you believe. In the future, how can you make sure what you communicate is rooted in your beliefs?

As ridiculous as it sounds, oftentimes people don’t say what they really mean or they sugarcoat what they do say. In my ethics class we had an entire class period about lying and how social lies are acceptable and even encouraged. An important part of this concept is saying how I genuinely feel about things, regardless of what may be socially expected. It can be done with tact and love, but honesty is critical in communication. If people don’t know who you really are from what you say, how else can they get to know you? Another important concept is taking as many opportunities as I can to share who I am and what I believe, even when I am communicating in a professional or somewhat less personal environment. Todd and Joe talked about the public relations department and how employees really have to believe in what they are trying to advocate. People know when there is a lack of real belief or enthusiasm in something, and they will be less motivated to change or buy a product when the person promoting it doesn’t believe in it himself. I’m working to discover what values are most important to me personally and communicate those in the most effective ways possible.

Todd and Joe gave us some great hints to help leaders communicate powerfully and prolifically. Develop a step-by-step process that you can follow in order to communicate your desired message to those you lead.

1.      Prayerfully select team goals and make sure I personally believe in them. It’s not enough that the goals have a positive outcome; I need to have conviction and passion for the goals I propose.

2.      Present ideas in a clear and focused manner. My main points should be laid out and explained so there is as little ambiguity as possible. Being prepared for this is important and may involve an outline of my thoughts as well as a rehearsal of specifically important points.

3.      Ask the team to restate ideas in their own words so there is definite mutual understanding. Even if I think I have clearly communicated my thoughts, a vital part of communication is making sure the listeners understood the messages as they were meant to be conveyed.